Algorithms, Insecurities, and Mindset
It’s no secret that social media algorithms are designed to keep us engaged, but there’s a hidden cost to that endless scroll. Many of us find ourselves bombarded by posts that touch on insecurities about our lives: spotless homes, perfect parenting, the latest eating and exercise trends, and the pressure to plan idyllic vacations. In this constant parade of “expert” opinions, it’s easy to feel like we’re never quite good enough. And these insecurities aren’t just random; they’re deeply human.
Our brains are wired to crave certainty. From a design perspective, seeking out definitive answers was crucial to survival. Knowing which berries were safe to eat or how to build a shelter could mean the difference between life and death. Today, our need for certainty extends to understanding ourselves and our place in the world. The brain’s constant question is, “Am I doing this right?”
Social media algorithms pick up on these vulnerabilities. When we pause on a post about perfect organization, strict parenting advice, or the latest diet trend, it sends a signal to the algorithm that we’re interested. The algorithm then supplies more of the same, amplifying these themes in our feed until we’re steeped in a narrow view of “perfection.” This cycle plays to our insecurities and reinforces our belief that there’s one “right” way to do things.
The first step in breaking free from this cycle is understanding what draws our attention. Ask yourself, “Why am I stopping here? What is it about this content that resonates with me?”
This type of self-reflection can help us recognize when we’re being influenced by outside pressures rather than our own values. Our feelings of discomfort, guilt, or inadequacy are often clues that we’re consuming something that doesn’t align with our authentic goals and values.
Step 1:
The first actionable step is to become more aware of patterns and triggers. Each time we feel that pang of shame or inadequacy while scrolling, we can pause and ask ourselves what part of this content makes us feel that way. This pause allows us to break the automatic response cycle and reclaim control over how we respond emotionally to what we see.
Step 2:
One reason we fall into the trap of online comparison is that social media encourages us to believe there is a singular “right” way to live, parent, eat, or organize our lives. But life is not one-size-fits-all. Once we realize that there’s no universal formula for success, we can begin to let go of the need to live up to other people’s standards. Remember that the content we see is curated to project an idealized version of life, not a realistic one.
Step 3:
The beauty of algorithms is that they respond to our behavior. If we start engaging more with content that aligns with our real values and interests, we can slowly “train” the algorithm to show us more of what truly uplifts us. Consider following accounts that focus on self-compassion, diverse perspectives, or realistic portrayals of everyday life. Use the “hide” or “mute” functions for accounts that make you feel judged or inadequate.
Beyond the digital realm, we can also work on shifting the “algorithm” in our minds. This involves retraining our thought patterns to prioritize our unique values over socially-imposed ones. A helpful exercise is to regularly reflect on your core values and what they mean to you. Ask yourself questions like, “What’s important to me in this area of my life? What aligns with my goals and well-being?”
Step 4:
Learning to question what we see is key to building resilience and independence. When a post or piece of advice makes us feel insecure, we can ask ourselves, “Is this advice actually helpful or just another unrealistic standard?” Developing critical thinking around the content we consume empowers us to separate what’s helpful from what’s just hype.
Practices like journaling can help us clarify our own thoughts and counteract the overwhelming influence of external opinions. Writing down thoughts and feelings we have after scrolling can reveal patterns and help us take note of where our attention is going. This practice also encourages us to become less reactive, allowing us to identify, label, and manage our emotions instead of letting them control us.
Step 5:
One of the most powerful steps we can take is to nurture self-trust. Each time we make decisions based on our values rather than external pressure, we strengthen our sense of autonomy. Self-trust doesn’t mean ignoring all advice, but rather weighing it against our own needs and goals.
You can also build a “positive feedback loop” of self-trust by taking small actions that align with your values. This might mean setting boundaries with content that doesn’t serve you, creating routines based on your unique lifestyle, or celebrating small victories in areas that matter to you, whether it’s parenting, health, or personal growth. Over time, these small actions compound, creating a strong foundation of inner certainty that isn’t easily shaken by the curated lives we see online.
Social media is a powerful tool, but it doesn’t have to control our mindset. The key lies in shifting our focus from external validation to internal values, building a life defined not by comparison but by genuine, self-directed growth.
