triggers in the workplace
Why did my colleague snap at me? What did I do to them? I didn’t deserve that.
I found myself reeling after Brian (not his real name) laid into me about a suggestion I made on a project we were both working on. My thoughts alternated between offense and defense as I recalled the situation over and over. I started for the door to let him have it with a tongue thrashing and a finger waving, only to make myself sit down again feeling some weird sense of shame that maybe something was wrong and deficient with me, and my suggestion was really dumb.
At this point in the story, I can choose to practice self-awareness and respond to the emotions of Brian. Or I can choose to let my lizard brain (amygdala) take over. (Remember the choose your own adventure books?) In this story, I choose to practice self-awareness. I recognized I felt dismissed and that is a trigger for me. I looked at my personal history to see if that was at play as well. I asked myself hypothetical questions about what might be going on with Brian. I box breathed. I decide that it is far better for me to approach Brian with curiosity. Is this a good time to talk with him? How did he hear my suggestion? What else might be going on for him? Finally, I want the last questions to be around steps moving forward. What would we do differently next time?
How many of you have had this happen? What stories do you have around feeling misunderstood or misrepresented? The tools for Increasing your emotional intelligence are simple: manage emotions, practice self-awareness, be mindful of your thoughts and feelings, and learn how to recognize and respond to the emotions of others.
It is a practice because it takes time and energy.
The value of the practice:
Managers believe that emotional intelligence is crucial for success in leading teams through times of change (44%), addressing personal issues of employees (37%), giving feedback or employee appraisals (31%), and spotting talent (25%).
71% of employers value emotional intelligence over IQ, reporting that employees with high emotional intelligence are more likely to stay calm under pressure, resolve conflict effectively, and respond to co-workers with empathy.
75% of managers use emotional intelligence to determine promotions and salary increases.
75% of long-term job success depends on people skills, while only 25% on technical knowledge.
Use the tools + share the tools = grow your company EQ.
