Authority

Reflecting on the Stanford Prison Experiment and the dynamics of authority, it's unsettling to realize how easily we can fall into the trap of obeying toxic and abusive leaders. The experiment, which took place in 1971, revealed how quickly ordinary people could be conditioned to exercise cruelty or submit to it when placed in a hierarchical system that legitimized such behavior. It demonstrated that even good people could be corrupted when immersed in an environment that blurs the lines between right and wrong.

But why do we follow leaders and authority figures, even when we know they are causing harm?

In my own experience, I found myself caught in a similar web of obedience. I had taken vows—vows that I believed were sacred and unbreakable—before a congregation, vowing to obey those in authority over me because they were said to be appointed by God. This deeply ingrained belief system made it nearly impossible to question or resist, even as I felt the harm it was causing me. The authority figures repeatedly told me that my obedience was required, reinforcing the idea that questioning them would be equivalent to questioning God Himself.

Our brains are wired to grab onto information, especially when it comes from perceived authority figures. We often accept it without fully testing its validity, largely because doing so requires energy and cognitive dissonance. This phenomenon is known as confirmation bias—we tend to seek out information that supports what we already believe and dismiss anything that challenges it. This bias becomes even stronger when our beliefs are tied to powerful emotions, such as fear, loyalty, or religious conviction.

But how do we test whether someone is helpful or harmful? The first step is to pause and reflect on the impact that their leadership is having on our well-being. Are we feeling empowered, valued, and respected, or are we feeling diminished, fearful, and confused? It's crucial to seek outside perspectives, particularly from those who are not under the same authority, as they can offer a more objective view. Educating ourselves on the characteristics of toxic leadership and healthy boundaries is also vital.

Breaking out of toxic systems, especially those with rigid hierarchies, requires immense courage and a willingness to trust our own experiences over the dictates of those in power. It begins with recognizing that no one—regardless of their title or supposed divine appointment—has the right to harm us. We must reclaim our power by questioning the narratives we've been fed, seeking support from those who understand our struggle, and taking decisive steps to remove ourselves from harmful environments.

In my journey, the confusion and pain of believing I had to obey harmful authority figures was intense. But by challenging the belief that their authority was absolute, I began to see that my vows were not a binding contract to endure abuse. Instead, I found a path toward reclaiming my voice and understanding that true leadership empowers rather than controls, and that real vows are to honor, protect, and uplift—not to suffer in silence.